Merry Christmas Eve
by whitedove03
Summary: Natalie is at Asa’s cabin thinking about love and life.


Merry Christmas Eve

**Author:** Missy Ann (WhiteDove)

**Rating**: PG

**Disclaimer**: : I don't own anything but my own brain and the ideas it produces. The characters them selves don't fall under this category but the plot does. But if anyone from ABC reads this and wants to use it then I give my full and uncontested permission. In fact I insist!

**Feedback**: Please? With a cherry on top? Good, bad, and ugly welcome.

**Pairing**: John/Natalie

**Summary**: Natalie is at Asa's cabin thinking about love and life.

**Comments**: I am not sure whether to continue with this. I am thinking of adding a smutty follow up but for now it is a one-shot.

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Natalie stood looking out the window at the snow covered ground. The pristine white flakes drifted leisurely to the ground in a slow but steady fall. The wind blew gently sweeping the beautiful whiteness into a slanted path. The trees gave up their soft covering to the breath of winter. The sun peaked out from behind a cloud now and then giving the ground and air a mysterious glint. The beauty of the scene took her breath away with its fantasy like quality.

Birds flew past to the feeder that hung from the tree outside the window. Their sounds filled with cheer and merriment. The red Cardinals reminded her that it was Christmas Eve and brought a smile to her face. Occasionally the birds would squabble with one another about who got to eat first making her laugh softly at them. Then once the birds settled into some semblance of order a gray squirrel would chase them all off and start feasting himself.

It was organized chaos Natalie thought to herself as she watched. Nature in and of itself was such a beautiful and savage thing. Something had to die so that others could live. She had seen two deer cross the yard a while ago one doe and the other a smaller spotted fawn. The sight brought such a warm glow in her heart and almost had tears forming in her eyes. It drove home just how much in her life she took for granted. Such simple things like the smell of the crisp, fresh air and the freedom to enjoy the first real snow of the year.

It was impossible not to get lost in the splendor of the view before her. Her year had been long and confusing to say the least and it was hard to understand how she had gotten through it all. Here she was ready to spend Christmas with the man she loved, her family somewhat back together and the confusion of the last year behind them now.

It was like the purity of the snow washed away all the heartache and left only the surety and clarity of how her life should be. Which was one of the reasons she stood at the window and simply basked in the sight. She was warm with the fire going behind her as well as the sweater she wore. Pensive thoughts crept into her brain as she stood there. Thoughts about the last time she had been up here in the winter. It had been when Jared had confessed he had lied to her, used her. How angry she had been then, how hurt and disappointed she had been that yet another man in her life had played her for a fool. The thing that shamed her to this day was how, even before he told her of his lies, she had still wanted him, still desired him. It disgusted her that she could have felt that way and still believed that he was her uncle. Then to top it all off she had lied for him, helped him hurt her family. All for the sake of someone who had lied to her.

She shook her head trying to shake off the thoughts. That was the past. She had forgiven him for the lies. Probably a lot quicker than she would have if she hadn't still been reeling from how quickly things with John had gone to hell. She didn't really regret forgiving him. Hate was too hard on the soul. But she couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she hadn't been so desperate, for both love and someone to ease the ache in her soul.

That soul deep ache had persisted even after she had forgiven Jared and they had started their relationship. She was reminded of it every time she looked at Jared and remembered how he had chosen money over her. But then he would tell her that he loved her and her heart would flutter a little. Love was such a powerful thing, and a hurtful emotion if it wasn't returned. She knew from personal experience and she didn't want Jared to hurt like that even if he had not treated her very well. When he took her into his arms she felt wanted and loved, and that had been enough for her. She had grabbed on to that and ran with it.

Perhaps that was why she was so profoundly happy now. She understood now the difference between want and love, between needing to be loved and actually being in love. She had thought she understood that with John, and she really had, but after they had broken up she had forgotten somehow.

A sudden gust of wind drew her attention back to the scenery and she noticed that the sky had darkened and the snow had begun to fall much harder. The birds had pretty much abandoned the feeder except for a brave few making her think even more about love and lust. Love was kind of like the growing storm. It sometimes started off as just a few feelings and then suddenly it could blaze through you with all the power of a blizzard in the winter. Lust was akin to the birds that left at the first sign of that power, where as love, true love, stayed and braved the storm. And when it was over either you were left with nothing or you were blessed with someone you could stand by through all of life's storms.

Looking down at the wedding band on her finger she smiled, thinking that she was one of the lucky ones, finding someone to brave the storm with, someone to shelter her and protect her from the bite of the raging wind and then let her come out to enjoy the elemental majesty that was left in its wake. This cabin up on this mountain was kinda reprehensive of the way she had felt for so long. Alone and isolated weathering the storm with no warmth and light. Always watching the beauty around it but never a part of that beauty. Now she felt like a part of the scene, warm and loved, the world was bright and colorful.

"Natalie?" a deep male voice called. From the tone she could tell he had been trying to get her attention for some time.

"Oh! Sorry, I was just thinking." She turned from the window and her inner contemplation and wrapped her arms around her husband.

"Bout what?" he murmured softly, running his hands down her back before bring one to rest on the slight swell of her stomach.

"I was thinking about how life imitates nature sometimes." She told him, shuddering slightly as his hands on her body produced the familiar heat in her blood. Though his hand rested sweetly on the life that they had created together it caused her to moan a little as he splayed his fingers trying to detect any movement.

"Really?" Seeing her eyes fill with desire and her breath quicken, he grinned salaciously. "How about we go into the bedroom and try to imitate nature some more." He ground his hardening length into her stomach a little to demonstrate what he meant.

"John," she gasped out. Suddenly needing to tell him how much he meant to her she pulled away and took his face in her hands. Looking directly into his eyes and stated, "I love you so much John. I thank god everyday that we got past all our issues and found each other again."

John's breath caught at the emotion in her voice. Over the past 6 months they had been working on getting their lives back together and on getting their relationship back to where they wanted it. With all the drama with Blair and then Marty he had realized that he had used both of them as a shield against his heartache. Natalie leaving him had sent him into freefall and he had used first Marty and then Blair in attempt to simply feel alive again. When he got done denying his pain he had had to confront it. It had been hard but in the end he and Natalie had gotten back together and then a month after that he had "kidnapped" her, taken her to Las Vegas and asked her to marry him. Once she had gotten over both her anger and shock, they had talked long into the night and the next morning they had returned to Llanview married. The look on Jared's face when he had found out still gave him a happy feeling.

"I love you too Natalie." He paused, letting her see the depth of his emotion in his eyes, "I thank god every day of my life for you and our child." He prought her close again and kissed her softly, trying to show her how much he loved her.

"Take me to bed, husband," Natalie told him breathlessly when he finally lifted his head from her lips.

"Anything you want, Wife." He grinned at her then bent down swung her up in his arms and carried her to the bedroom. "Merry Christmas Eve Natalie."

Natalie laughed at his antics and then replied, "Merry Christmas Eve to you too John."


End file.
